


the course home

by thinkatory



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ben Solo Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Rewrite, Dark Side Rey, Empress Rey, F/M, Force Dyad (Star Wars), Jedi Ben Solo, Married Leia Organa/Han Solo, Other Characters But Focus Is Definitely On Ben and Rey, POV Ben Solo, Role Reversal, Scavenger Ben Solo, Solo Family Feelings (Star Wars), The Dark Side of the Force (Star Wars), The Light Side of the Force (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:08:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26876440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thinkatory/pseuds/thinkatory
Summary: Fill for prompt: "Reversed!Reylo Dark Rey and a runaway Jedi!Ben on Jakku. He finally has to come home when a droid and stormtrooper come into his lives and he has to face the Empress Rey Palpatine."Ben Solo, a man in too-constant turmoil, attempts to live in exile, but a perfect storm of events on Jakku and the apparition of a girl who won't share her name or story lead him halfway across the galaxy to finally make his choice.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34
Collections: Reylo Prompt Fills (@reylo_prompts)





	the course home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lizimajig](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizimajig/gifts).



> Some notes:  
> \- This is a piece for lizimajig's birthday! Might be my last in SWST, we'll see if I perk my confidence in this fandom up a bit.  
> \- Apparently I'm capable of writing G-rated/NAWA, that's nice.  
> \- There are plenty of other characters in the story, but I felt it was false advertising to tag them because the piece is pretty Reylo-heavy.

According to the marks on the wall of the AT-AT that served as his home, it had been, within a day or two, one full year since the nameless girl had appeared to Ben Solo all but from the ether. Today, she'd arrived just before he'd planned to sleep, and this time he was sure it wasn't a dream. The day had been too vividly banal to justify as anything his mind would cook up like the Jakku portion he deserved.

"Do you think you inherently owe your family anything at all?"

It was an admittedly calculated response to her wry greeting, a cut to the regular cat-and-mouse chase between the two of them over this year, less a Jedi trick of the Force than a Jedi trick of the tongue. Ben watched the girl absorb his question as she sat across from him; faint silver highlights cut across her bound-up brown hair as the light of the moon above Jakku broke through the hatch above them. Her answer wasn't immediate, but it was thoughtful enough. "I think when someone you respect asks you to take responsibility for good reason, family or not, you owe it to them to at least try."

He stared at her, focusing without the Force. She would reveal some clue, some day, if he took each pace towards her carefully. "What did your family ask of you? What responsibility did you take?"

She didn't take the bait. "I know what your family asked of you."

"Stop," Ben warned instantly, twisting his head away from her gaze.

Her tone managed to be matter-of-fact, gentle, and taunting all at once. "There's no point in pretending, Ben. You know that I know more about you than anyone else does."

The deflection, the games, frustrated him before he could hold back his temper. "What are you hiding from me?" he pressed, the slightest heat coming into his tone. " _How_ are you hiding it from me?"

"You know how." Her expression was bemused. "Don't be arrogant enough to assume no one can be better than you at what you used to do."

"If you're one of Luke's Jedi, you should be willing to tell me your name." Irritation had always been a problem for him, pounding in his temples, arcing into anger that begged him to wreak destruction. "It's been a full year since we've met like this. There's no excuse." He dared voice it. "If you're real, you should be able to tell me your name."

"You still don't think I'm real." A wry smile graced the girl's face. "You're a Jedi. You're supposed to piece things together, figure out problems through intuition and evidence. Do you really think it's as simple as you losing your mind?"

"You won't give me anything." Ben couldn't keep his tone from getting brittle. "You appear to me, we talk in circles, when you know what I w – "

She cut him off, gaze sharp, half-mocking. It didn't escape him that she cut him off then, of all times. "Have I hurt your feelings, Ben?"

His breath caught in his throat. Any vulnerability with this woman was a mistake. "Don't," he said, terse.

"You wanted human connection, didn't you? Any kind of connection. And if I'm not real, then you're still alone."

"We've talked about deeper things than your name," he sniped. "You should be able to tell me that much, if you mean to be more than a nuisance."

"Don't lie to me." Her eyes were intent on him, now. "I can sense the truth. You're afraid. Dangerous emotion for a Jedi to deal in."

"And you're avoiding the topic!" Ben couldn't be shouting, now; Jakku nights were the last time to make noise and get attention. He pulled in a short breath and stared at her. "I want to know what it'll take for you to stop pretending, and..."

"And be with you?" His breath halted in his throat, and he fired his gaze away, irritated. She carried on, dismissive. "Ben, I have my own life. We've talked about this."

"You haven't told me any details of your life." Her jabs had gotten to him, and tension wrung his shoulders with frustration. "You know everything about me and I know barely anything about you. There's only one thing I know."

She laughed, a short sound. "What do you know?"

"I know you're lonely. I know you're scared." He didn't relent, even as her face went taut with anger. "I know you think about being a frightened little girl, covered in wounds and bruises."

Her cheeks were pink, gaze cutting, and for just an instant he could sense the awful wrenching of the Force coming from her side of the ship. "And if I'm not real? If you're choosing to imagine a poor beaten girl once a week, someone you ache to save? What then?"

"Then I've driven myself insane in exile." Ben watched her closely, walling off his roiling emotions for now. "But if you're real, then you should tell the truth. Let me help you."

"I don't need help. Not from someone who ran away from all responsibility before." He didn't allow himself to flinch at the words. "Do you think you can say it out loud? Why you left the Temple? Or is it too horrible to name?"

"I can't be trusted," he said, as resolute as he could manage. "For everyone's safety, I had to exile myself. I had to cut myself off from the Force. It was the right thing to do."

"And now you would take up your lightsaber again, to save someone who won't even tell you her name?" She openly mocked him, now, but he didn't miss something still conflicted in her face as he regained his composure. Or, maybe, he saw what he wanted to see. "Are you so naive? Do you mean to be a hero from a child's bedtime story?"

Ben didn't hesitate. "That depends on if you'll tell me where to go."

She didn't respond, palpable anger thick in the air, and he reached across with his mind and the Force with the slightest push; he sensed her memory, then, the girl curled up on her side in a bed, unable to sleep with anxiety and fear like klaxons blaring nonstop in her head. She lashed back at him and he sat back hard against the metal wall of the ship. She remained there for just a second more, expression raw and upset, then vanished without another word. 

He ran his thumb across his palm and imagined, just once, holding her hand.

It was pathetic, and he wondered, not for the first time, if he might have lost his mind.

* * *

There was nothing redeemable about his part of Jakku.

It was one reason Ben had chosen it for his final destination. There was barely anything to tempt him if he kept a modicum of control, the power struggles tiny, the fortunes to be gained small. The use of the Force would bring the wrath of the entire populace down on himself for theft, and he knew even now he wasn't prepared to go back to the galaxy he knew far better.

He might never be prepared.

The heat raked over him even through the protective gear, but he ignored it in favor of wriggling the part out of the ship with the Force. This he could justify to himself; it didn't trigger much of anything that would remind him of being a Jedi years ago, and it was always a short enough moment that it didn't provide either any peace or awful emptiness.

Ben yanked out his zipline, fired it over to the other part of the upside-down wreck, and began the process of digging for parts in the next panel he could find.

The day's work got two portions. He hid one well in the AT-AT – it was always good to have something for the worst case scenario, a lesson his father had taught him thoroughly – and prepared the other. It wasn't remotely the food he would've gotten at home, but that was a good thing.

He didn't deserve any of that. This was better.

He managed to eat before the sun set, and took it as a sign. There was no excuse to do it, no purpose in exhausting himself further, but he had always been tougher than the rest and drawn towards obsessions.

Ben walked the dunes, armed with his hidden twin staves, and thoroughly searched any wreckage that might pass as shelter, for her.

Upon finally arriving home with no discoveries to speak of, he slept, and the dreams savaged him so thoroughly he felt nothing when he woke in the morning.

* * *

He received a third-portion the next day. Fine enough.

Ben rationed his food reasonably, with the discipline of someone who'd gone pathfinding too many times with Luke Skywalker, and ate well enough to get by. He took his meal outside, refreshed by the way the desert cooled, and was nearly finished when he heard it: a droid chirping in distress, not far across the dunes.

Before he could think twice about it, Ben was on his feet with his staves and halfway across the dune to where a scavenger had netted the droid. "Are you joking?" he shouted, and got a series of insults back, until he could cut the droid free. "You have absolutely no right to threaten this droid, go do some actual work," he retorted, to the scavenger's mocking laughter.

Ben turned away from the now-freed droid to walk away, disinterested now, until it chirped at him and he stopped dead. He turned to face it as it rolled towards him, and his mouth set. "You're mistaken. That's not my name."

The droid kept on chirping, and he pressed his hands into fists then to his face. "I'm telling you, that's – what are you _talking_ about?"

He listened to the droid as it went on all earnest and panicked, and his own panic started to rise. This wasn't supposed to happen on Jakku. Nothing important happened on Jakku. "There's no point in telling me this," he said rapidly. "I'm not resistance of any kind."

The retort from the droid was so pointed Ben rolled his eyes and released an irritated sound, then he turned and threw his hands in the air as he heard the droid roll after him.

He didn't invite the droid in, but it powered down beside him anyway, apparently comforted at being accompanied by the son of General Leia Organa.

* * *

The droid made itself useful over the course of the next day, despite its urgent wheedling about needing to find a pilot, in an apparent attempt to ingratiate itself with Ben with some labor taking out parts. Admittedly, this plan worked just enough for Ben to keep him from resenting the droid outright.

The haul was fine. The two of them headed to town, and Ben knew he was going to hear upon his arrival at the stand: "I'll take the droid. Sixty portions."

Ben didn't even have to look twice at the droid. Sixty portions was too much to have with him at a given time, anyway, a target drawn on his AT-AT with everyone who would see this now. "He's not for sale."

The shade slammed shut, the remaining townsfolk grumbling at Ben, but he didn't care. He focused on BB-8, who chirped its thanks, and he shook his head.

"I've got you until your master comes back. That's all."

A ship landed in the distance, and Ben couldn't deny the sick feeling that came over him, a specific sensation that only ever indicated the worst case scenario. He took out his staves and made his way out of town at a steady pace, his mind maintaining a close focus on the ship behind him, then he stopped dead at the sound of blasters, screams, and begging.

BB-8 chirped pointedly, and Ben grit his teeth, released a short breath, and turned back around.

The troops from the sleek ship were dressed in black, masked, and already at torturing the townsfolk. Within less than a second Ben heard what one of them was screaming: _The human, he has the droid!_

So far none of them had noticed him, so he moved faster, BB-8 behind him. The droid's chirps were angry, now, but Ben spoke in what little comfort he could manage, as terse a person as he regularly was with strangers. "I told you I've got you."

The droid wasn't going to stop talking, was he? "What?" he demanded. "A jacket? How is that important right now?" Upon a swift turn, Ben saw the man BB-8 chirped frantically about, frozen at a distance of the chaos in town, less than a hundred feet away.

Ben released a weary sigh in the same instant, bound by what little honor he had left; maybe Luke had trained him too well, leaving him no choice besides doing the right thing once reminded of who he was with something as simple as hearing his own name for the first time in years. If he got the droid to his pilot, then he would be free of this obligation, free of crushing responsibility he couldn't be trusted to manage. 

He ran as fast as he could to chase the man down, finally tackling him hard to the sand and pressing his face down into the dune. "Did you see what they were doing back there? Now is not the time to, to – I don't even have anything for you to steal," the man rattled off, clearly overwhelmed.

BB-8 chirped at him, then the man peered up, almost relieved. "Poe Dameron! Yes! I didn't steal this from him, he, he…" His face fell, all relief gone. "He didn't make it."

BB-8 chirped low in grief, but Ben wasn't interested in wasting time; he hauled the man up to his feet and seized him by the arm. "Run," he snapped off. "I heard about an abandoned ship five miles north, we can make it _out of here_ if we run, now."

"Who are you?" the man demanded. "Are you resistance?"

"I'm no one," Ben said pointedly. "Just _run_." He bolted across the sand with ease, and heard the droid and the man chirping and talking in low tones as they followed.

The ship was exactly where he'd heard it would be. It was just the last ship he'd ever expected to see.

"Perfect condition practically," the man rambled, frantic, behind him. " _Go_!"

Ben remained frozen in despair and confusion, until BB-8 rolled beside him, to chirp in urgent comfort.

_This is the right thing, Ben Solo._

It took an effort to force himself onto the ship, but it was worth it. It had to be. He knew the Millennium Falcon better than any place but his actual home half a galaxy away. He jabbed a finger at the weapons and gave the man a pointed look. "I'll explain. Just let me get us off this rock."

"Can I trust you?" The man seemed to regret saying this, but he'd already said it, so he pressed more. "Who are you?"

Dread drenched Ben, now. "I told you I'm no one. Now strap yourself in, I'll get us where we need to go."

BB-8 chirped at the man, who then nodded and strapped himself into the chair. Ben exhaled, and made his way to the cockpit.

He'd flown this ship for the first time at fifteen years old. The memory was fresh, raw, and unfortunately overwhelming, and he couldn't allow himself to smile. All he had to do was pilot. He was good at that. He was good at so many things, and so frightened to use most of them.

* * *

Somehow, they got away from Jakku without incident. The Risen Empire's forces apparently weren't as sharp-eyed as Ben would've expected, or – with the lateral concerns that a Jedi was trained to consider in spite of their usual dire implications – they'd meant for him to escape.

Ben forced himself to pull in even breath after even breath. The more upset he got, the stronger the desire to give in to the Dark Side would be, and he had responsibilities, at least for now.

Someone had kidnapped someone on this venture. Ben wasn't sure if he'd kidnapped this man named Finn, or if Finn had kidnapped him, or – most likely – BB-8 had kidnapped them both. In the end, it didn't matter. Within a few minutes, BB-8 told him outright where the rebel base was, and they all knew that was where they were headed, mismatched crew that they were. Ben had no choice in the matter. It was fine. It had to be fine.

"Why is he taking orders from you?" Finn asked, about as casual as one could be at a moment like this.

Ben knew full well who Finn was referring to. "No one's taking orders from me."

"The droid." Finn sighed at the reply BB-8 rattled off. "Fine, BB-8. BB-8, who is this guy?"

"It doesn't matter who I am, don't tell him," Ben said briskly. "I'll get you to the rebel base."

But BB-8 kept on chirping, and Ben made a sound of pure exhaustion, unable to respond before Finn did. "You're part of the resistance? What were you doing on Jakku?"

"It's complicated." Ben couldn't let his mind wander to his parents, because then the question that was stuck in his throat and forced nausea through him would finally gain full purchase over him: _Why was the Falcon abandoned on Jakku?_ Where was its captain?

"I need to know what's going on." Finn's tone was firm enough that Ben actually looked over to find Finn staring at him. Then Finn's gaze softened into a cringe. "Please?"

"As long as you tell me who you are." It seemed like a fair trade, even though he was fairly sure Finn's story was less loaded than his own. "I'm Leia Organa's son. Ben." Simple enough words, weren't they?

Finn was incredulous, which didn't help. "What? Wait, are you serious?"

Ben went silent, and Finn had the decency not to ramble on in the pause and allow him the time to formulate a response. "That's why BB-8 is being... respectful." BB-8 chirped at him, and Ben sighed. "I didn't know him before all this," he added to Finn. "But droids talk to each other just like people do, and I did a lot of droid engineering before – " He faltered. "Before."

"Before what?" Finn asked, then sighed at himself. "Sorry. You don't have to answer that."

"It's complicated." An easy answer to hide behind. "Tell me your story."

Finn looked uncomfortable. "You're not going to like this."

"I'm in no position to judge anyone." It was an immense truth for him, unfortunately.

An even longer pause than the last one stretched between them, then Finn said rapidly, "I was an Imperial stormtrooper. I helped Poe Dameron escape, and, I swear I'm not – "

"Fine." Ben cut him off, a little abrupt. "You did the right thing."

"What?" This was obviously the last thing Finn had expected to hear; Ben was finding his seemingly endless anxiety a little exhausting. "But – "

Ben shook his head in a short motion, though it was an effort to remain patient. "I can't judge someone who did the right thing and is sorry for the bad things they've done."

Finn fell silent for a moment, but mustered a more serious tone at long last. "Whatever you did, you're doing the right thing now."

Doing the right thing wasn't supposed to make you feel this sick to your stomach, though. "We'll see how it goes," Ben said, and cleared his throat. Before either of them could figure out anything to say next, the power blinked off and plunged them into relative darkness. Ben started to work through each system he could, until he couldn't resist a sound of irritation at the lack of response. "Someone's locked onto us. All systems are down."

" _The Empire._ "

Finn sounded terrified, but Ben kept working on the Falcon, twinging on the Force for whatever slightest help he could get. His tone was gentler than before as he spoke up. "We need a plan, not fear."

"I don't have a weapon." Finn unstrapped himself from his seat, then, and stood behind Ben as they were drawn inside the much larger ship's bay. "Do you?"

"I'm armed." That was enough of a plan, he supposed. "You can do hand-to-hand, can't you? You know how they're trained."

Finn sighed. "Not many breaks in the armor."

"Then we'll have to be creative. Can they vent poison through those masks?" 

Finn shook his head. "Just smoke. Why?"

Ben reached into a compartment he'd had an instinct was still there, tossed Finn a gas mask and grabbed one of his own, then yanked himself out of the seat. He pulled open a panel of the floor to climb down inside. He gestured pointedly for Finn to join him in the tight quarters, and he replaced the panel before starting to work on the ship.

Ben and Finn were too close right now, too tense, but there was nothing to do but wait. Just as Ben was at the ready to flood the ship with poison gas, he heard the voices and footsteps.

"...I'm telling you, Chewie, it doesn't matter if someone _gets_ the ship as long as you get it back. Leia doesn't need to know. Also, don't tell her we stole an Imperial ship. We junk it out here, we're golden."

Ben dropped his head back against the circuit wall behind him as Chewie returned a deadpan comment. With a few quick motions he fixed the ship's life support systems again and shoved open the hatch. Han's blaster was on them instantly, then his fingers went slack on the weapon as he stared into Ben's face.

"Are you planning to fire?" Ben said in even sarcasm, anything to break the gravity of the moment. 

"Get up here." Han turned away.

Chewie greeted Ben easily as he began to climb out, and Ben couldn't look at him. "I know, it's been a long time," he answered instead.

"We need to get out of here. The Falcon's faster." Han turned to Chewie. "Get systems back online and get our stuff. We're going. Now." Chewie nodded and headed out of the ship; Han looked back at Ben, and Ben wished he could crawl out of his skin just to escape the heat of this moment.

"What is _going on_?" Finn demanded, breaking the tension in the room with just that much.

"It's complicated," Han said, abrupt. "Who are you, anyway?"

"We can worry about that as we go." Ben forced himself to turn away from his father. "I'm going to help Chewie."

"You're not going anywhere." Han had an edge to his tone, now, one that reminded Ben of each and every time he'd managed to get into enough trouble to even bother Han Solo, of all people. "We need to talk."

Ben couldn't let his anger, fear, shame flare like this. He couldn't be trusted with emotions like that. "There's no time for this – "

" _Ben_!" Han was as audibly frustrated as Ben had ever heard him, and it stopped him cold. "We're going back to your mother. You get that?"

He was so tense he could've been fired like an ancient bow. "I was going there anyway."

"Oh, don't," Han sniped. "I know what you're doing."

"This is Finn," Ben said, instead of responding to that. "He was an Imperial stormtrooper. Now he's not. This is BB-8, he's Poe Dameron's – "

"I know who Poe Dameron is." Han looked exhausted. "And I know what Poe Dameron was going to retrieve on Jakku."

"Is that why you were on Jakku?" Ben couldn't help a little vitriol, as his fingers trembled. He formed his hands into fists at his sides, a less incriminating gesture. "Or were you making some sort of deal in town?"

"I was looking for you," Han retorted, heated. "I followed lead after lead and I _almost found you_."

"You found me." Ben realized, all at once, he was too close to tears for comfort. "Why were you looking for me?"

"Oh, shut up." Han averted his gaze. "We need you. We've needed you for a while, kid."

Ben's tone was clipped when he looked back at Finn. "We should get weapons. I'll ask Chewie where they're stored, you can help me move them here."

"Great." Finn looked immensely relieved for something to do besides stew in the tension of the moment with the two of them. "Great, let's go."

Ben spared a look for Han, then moved through the ship as he pressed his eyes shut tightly to fend off every bit of the mixed guilt and relief. This was the worst possible time for him to crash into the scenario of his nightmares, overwhelmed by so much emotion his worst visions would come to pass.

* * *

The Falcon was fast, but not fast enough.

"Someone's on our tail," Han said curtly, and from his spot at the weapons Ben itched to sit in the co-pilot seat, despite himself. Chewie was better suited and he knew it. He readied himself, but also knew too well that Han preferred a race over a firefight.

"Let's get out of here," Han said, predictably enough, and they hit a burst of speed. "Long way 'round to your mother, she'll forgive us for being half a day late."

"So we're going to meet Leia Organa," Finn checked, audibly anxious. "What about Luke Skywalker? If she's real, is he real?"

There was a long pause; Ben nearly retched at the thought of seeing the look on Luke's face at his return, but Han spoke before he could completely lose his mind at the thought. "Luke's gone."

"Luke's _what_?" Ben demanded, agitated before he could stop himself. "He's dead?"

"No." Han measured his words. "He went into hiding after the Empress destroyed the Temple. Ben, I'm sorry. We think some of them survived and are with Luke, wherever he went."

Ben's grip on the weapons forced his knuckles white. "The Empress."

"It's more important to find Luke right now." Han's tone was pointed, as though he knew clearly what was raging in Ben's head. _Han Solo didn't know him,_ not as well as he might think. "Once we find Luke, we stand a chance against – "

"I understand," Ben snapped out. "That's not the _point_."

"We'll get there," Finn said, and Ben glanced back at him, just in his sightline. Finn wore a faint, worried smile; it shouldn't have been as reassuring as it was, but Ben accepted the little solace it offered. "All we need is a plan."

BB-8 chirped, and Han sighed wearily. "Yeah," he says. "Droid's got part of the map. We'll get there."

Ben couldn't stop himself. "You don't need Luke. I can do this."

Han groaned, just loudly enough to be heard. "Don't be stupid, Ben. You're not taking on the single strongest Dark Side user in the galaxy."

"Don't underestimate me," Ben retorted, tone too harsh, but he'd already lost control. His hands ached from the way he couldn't break his grip on the controls in front of him. "I was – "

"Wait, Jedi, Sith," Finn broke in, bewildered. "Are you serious?"

It might have been a calculated move to stop Ben from fighting with Han more, and it unfortunately worked. Han spoke up. "Yeah, kid, it's all real. Thought it was some ancient hokey religion, but Ben here's a Force user. He's _one_ Jedi. One singular human," he added pointedly.

Ben's lightsaber weighed heavily on him, hidden in his clothes as it was. "I'll come back to do this. Then I'm gone."

Han was as strident as Ben had ever heard him. "No."

"Can we stop?" The Solos stopped arguing for an instant, both aware they seemed to have tested Finn to his absolute limit. "Let's focus. Find Luke Skywalker. What do we need to do?"

"Get the whole map." Han was businesslike now, brisk. "We've only found a piece, and we haven't gotten it back home yet."

Home. Would it really be home? Ben ached for the freedom of Jakku. "Mom has a plan," he said, instead of anything else. "Doesn't she?"

There was a smile in Han's tone, now, both an appreciated break and a jab in Ben's gut. "She always does." Then his tone went professional again. "Chewie, are we level? I'm going to punch it again."

Ben glanced at Finn, as apologetic as he could get himself to manage, then Finn shrugged it off with a little smile. It was something, the slightest boost, the smallest buoying moment he'd had in years.

The brief break from the stress stopped him, let him think clearly for a moment. His dad was feet away. Wasn't that good?

Why did he have to be this way?

Maybe she'd been right about him all along.

* * *

They hadn't made it back to the rebel base yet, too many Imperial outposts to dodge, and Ben withdrew to the back after some squabbling with Han about whether or not he should bother to rest. In the end, Han managed to shame him just enough to get Ben to find a dimly lit spot so he could do what he knew he needed to do.

It was the simplest thing in the world for Ben, even after all this time, to let his eyes drift shut and his hands and fingertips loosen as he reached out. The Force touched back, gentle, a firm sensation against and around him, and he could've cried out of relief.

He didn't know how long he sat in meditation when the sensation began to move through him like light making its way through cracks in a wall: the Dark Side, pulling at him with the usual wordless argument. _I know you. I know this is what you need._

Ben shook his head in a firm motion, and he pulled carefully back from the meditation, the Light not enough of a shield as the poison of the moment followed him into the mundane. His body felt heavy, his head pulsing in his skull.

_You left because you knew this was your destiny._

The Light had never offered him anything so concrete, only sweet calm like a pool of water untouched by movement. The Dark Side _spoke_. It claimed to understand, and he knew it _did_ understand some deep part of him, but it didn't understand what had always kept him from plunging into its depths. It might never.

At some point between blinks, she appeared feet away from him.

It was so nonsensical that Ben shuddered out of fear, still trapped in the intensity of temptation. "What are you doing here?" he snapped out softly.

"I don't know." She never seemed to know. "Maybe you needed me."

"Stop." It was agonizing, now, the moment too raw from the broken and ruined meditation. "Tell me what's going on, tell me who you are."

"Tell me what's going on," she persisted. "You're upset, Ben."

"I can't do this. I can't do this without – " He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, hoping that she'd be gone when he lowered them. "You know what's going to happen when I activate this lightsaber."

"What's going to happen?" Why did his mind have to make this girl speak in that calm but taunting tone? "I want to hear you say it."

Maybe the Light would offer some respite now. He took a breath, then another, then he heard her speak again, tone icy and breath sharp: "Stop. Now."

"Not until you tell me who you are." The calm washed over him and he sank back in relief as the Dark Side started to recede. She was still there when he looked up, visibly upset for reasons he couldn't comprehend, but if he pushed too hard to find out he could lose her, and the thought wrenched his stomach. He watched her as he went on. "Why is the Force connecting us? If you're real, that must be what's happening. You've admitted to being a Force user."

She trembled. It was an obvious effort for her to keep up the cool exterior, and he could sense her weakness, as painful as it was to look upon for reasons he didn't dare admit even in the safety of his own head. She sensed it before he could hold it back. "Is that really what you want to say to me, Ben?"

"You talk to me." He kept his gaze tight on her. "You let me through."

"I don't let you through." She bit out the words. "You push your way through. You've _poisoned_ me with your – "

Ben gestured impatiently. "That's not true. I let you through, and you let me through."

She snapped, heat in her gaze. "Don't project your weaknesses onto me."

Still, when he pushed gently at her through the Force, she didn't fight back as fiercely as she could have, and he stopped cold at what he found, overwhelmed by the weight of the denied emotion she'd refused to show until this moment. Devastation struck her face when she visibly realized what he'd found, and he got out the words he needed to. "I want you to say it."

"No." Her face was terribly pale, even in the faint light of the bunk. "I didn't want – _don't,_ don't you dare – "

"Say it." His chest ached at watching her. "Tell me what you want to do. Where you want to be."

"Stop this, now," she shouted, then as he heard Han call back, "Rule five, no bickering on the ship!" she disappeared into nothing, and he found himself alone again.

He sank down onto the bunk, beyond unsure of how to feel.

She had to be real. That brief flash of emotion he felt pouring from her couldn't be faked by his mind.

She was somewhere out there. She lied to him as easily as breathing, but she ached to be held by him, to feel any friendly or soft touch at all with all the terror in the world to keep her from surrendering to it. She needed him as much as he needed her.

One day, even if he had to flee the responsibilities of a galaxy to do so and steal a ship from a burgeoning rebellion, he would find her. He knew himself. It was inevitable.

* * *

Ben left the Falcon to step onto the rebel base with dread. Luckily, Han moved him through the airstrip populated with equally ragged ships and resistance fighters at a fast pace, and Ben's mother stood there, awaiting him, at the other side.

"Hello, Ben." Leia's smile was gentle and sharp all at once, and she moved to pull him into an embrace. Ben remained still in her arms for just a moment, then touched her sides, awkward, not ready for this in the least. She released him and touched his face. "I hear you got to pilot the Falcon again."

"By myself." It was all surreal, in a way that Ben wasn't sure he could enjoy. "I was just trying to get the droid off of the planet."

"You did a good job." Leia's tone and expression brooked no argument. "Thank you."

The emotion swelled in him before he could stop it. "I brought you the droid. I want to leave."

"Come on, kid," Han said wearily from behind him.

Leia didn't react to that. "Come with me, Ben. There's something you need to see."

Ben released a short breath, but nodded in the slightest assent, and the three of them moved into the war room. Leia wasted no time having a brisk conversation with Amilyn Holdo, who sent Ben a bemused look with no comment. As Holdo worked the controls of the projector, Leia spoke up. "We've known for a long time that the Empress regularly moves through the galaxy on her own, but all this time, we've been unable to identify her to help our spies track her. But she slipped up, just once, and that's enough for us. One of our people sent us this in a message before the Empress killed him."

Holdo hit the last button, and a hologram sprung up to reveal instant, abrupt action: a thin figure cutting through a civilian without hesitation, fending off blaster fire without missing a beat, her hood flung back to bare her bound-up brown hair and pale face.

The realization might as well have been a blaster shot to the face. A sound escaped Ben's throat before he could stop it, borne of too many emotions to name, and he pressed his hands to his face in a desperate attempt to push the reality away. "I know her," he forced out. "Mom, I know her."

"What?" Han demanded. "What are you talking about?"

"Han." Leia dismissed his father with a firm tone, but softened as she touched Ben's shoulder. "Go on. Have you seen her before? On Jakku, or when you were... traveling?"

The sound that came out of his mouth, he realized, was grief, finally something he couldn't contain with pure willpower. Agony clawed its way through his chest. "I see her. Constantly. For a year now. Through the Force. I saw her, I know her." 

Leia made a sharp noise to cut Han off as he spluttered, and took Ben by the shoulders to catch his gaze as he looked up. "Can you tell us what you know?"

Ben tried to force down the immense weight of emotion threatening to press him to his knees. "I don't know where she is." There were more important questions, at least to him, right now. "This is the person who destroyed the Temple?"

"Yeah," Han said flatly, "this is the person who almost killed Luke. So remember that."

Ben could picture her face perfectly, the vulnerability there, her palpable desire to have his arms around her in the slightest bit of comfort from her fears, and none of this made the slightest bit of sense. He couldn't break down; the call to the Dark Side would be too great. He forced his breaths as steady as he could get them, then turned away from them and walked away. Nothing his mother could say would call him back in this moment.

There were too many paths forward, but the one to her captivated him to the point of destruction, the flipside of the Jedi clarity that made it undeniable that he couldn't let her manipulate his steps on this crossroads towards her. He knew where he needed to go. 

R2 woke the next day as Ben spoke softly to him, and the map came together into one piece. For the first time he could remember in years, Ben smiled, even if it was grim.

All he needed to do was throw the others off of his tail. Pretending to withdraw, to need solace in quiet, to meditate, was enough to get them to leave him alone and underestimate his aims. Finn could've comforted him, made him think clearly, if he would've allowed it, but his mind was far too set. Everyone who had taught him everything he knew, each Skywalker, Organa, and Solo, had agreed on one thing: when the moment came to do the right thing, you seized it.

He'd know it when he saw it. He always had.

* * *

As it turned out, resistance fighters were happy to hang around and defend their shipyard even in the dead of night, but Ben sent them away anyway with a Jedi mind trick or two. The guilt was thick in his throat, but he didn't care. There was one path forward.

As he was about to climb into the lightest ship he could find, he sensed someone behind him, and flinched as he met the Empress's gaze. "I know," he snapped at her, soft. "I know who you are."

He'd managed to surprise her out of a darkly wry comment this time; she stared at him, uncertainty drawn across her face, her tone less steady than she seemed comfortable with as she went on. "What now? What do you plan to do?"

He hated her for being so calm, still. He wanted to hate her, he had to hate her, and the accusations were more for him than her and he knew it. "You killed my friends and tried to kill my uncle. You tried to destroy the Jedi, you drove them away – "

"I had my reasons!" Her gaze was fiery, now, voice strident. "I told you, I have a responsibility, a duty – "

"A duty to murder? A duty to keep an entire galaxy under your thumb?" Some awful combination of betrayal, desperation, hope, and grief coalesced in his stomach and weighed him down, keeping him from a single move. "Enough excuses! You never let me make excuses, and nothing I've ever done has come close to what you've done."

"Ben," the Empress retorted, and desperation bled into her tone before her expression twisted into defensive anger. "If you had been there – "

"Don't you dare blame me!" Tears pricked his eyes and he yanked out his lightsaber, activating it swiftly. "You created this connection on purpose, didn't you? To turn me against Luke, to make me like you?"

"Ben – "

"Well, I know something no one else knows," Ben pressed on, unable to help himself. "I know that you yearn for the Light. That every time I get close to that peace, you panic. I know that you want that feeling more than any part of the galaxy under your control. I know you want to be free."

Any calm the Empress had snapped in half. "I know that you're closer to being one of us now than you ever have been. You can't deny that."

"I'm going to do the right thing." Ben held it all together with every bit of effort he could muster, just looking in this woman's blazing, overwhelmed eyes. "It doesn't matter if you _want_ to do the wrong thing, if you choose to do the right thing instead. I know that, I've always known that." He pulled in a shaky breath, and turned off his lightsaber to lower it. "You may have convinced me I was irredeemable, but now, now I understand. You had it the wrong way around. I'm not at that tipping point – you are."

"What is it you want from me?" The Empress was openly sarcastic now, though the tension through her arms and fists gave away her frustration. "For me to rush into your arms, to apologize?"

"I want you to be where you want to be." Ben remained poised, now, his breaths slow and the Force flowing through him. "Tell me where you are. I'll come to you. You can join me, you can kill me, you can do what you want."

"What's to say you won't set an entire fleet at me?" She stared him down. "I'm not so easy to kill."

"I don't want to kill you." He held her gaze, unintimidated. "Don't you want to end this?"

"I want you." The Empress's response was matter-of-fact, and he faltered at the honesty, his heart racing despite himself. "Here. Beside me." Her gaze flickered, and he sensed the Dark Side through her as she went on, the awful ache. "I won't be alone."

Ben had never been so confused and so sure at the same time in his entire life. "Tell me where you are."

She glanced away. "I'll give you coordinates. When you're ready."

Once the numbers were engraved into his mind, he leapt into the ship to leave them all behind.

Luke would kill her, would only think of revenge. Ben knew the truth. Ben knew, for this purpose, if no other, he could muster a Jedi's strength of heart.

* * *

The comms system buzzed in the ship, Han and Leia obviously desperate to reach him, but Ben ignored it studiously. His mind raced as fast as the ship, his teeth on edge, his knee twitching in awkward rhythm as he played through scenarios in his mind just as he was trained at the Temple.

With a grim shake of his head, he realized that it all depended on every word and move he made. If he did the right thing, the right way, everything could change. One misstep, she would kill him outright.

It was a lot of pressure, but Ben had always been accustomed to pressure.

He blasted through the atmosphere and spotted the location from above, a wide and open training field some distance from a crumbling temple. It was a humble place for an Empress, but he knew, somehow, sensed it was the place from her memories of an exhausted childhood in damp, dark places. He landed, and began to walk.

The Force calmed him. Now, more than ever, he had to trust he could remain a Jedi despite dark dreams and thoughts. Strength of body, strength of heart.

As he approached the field, she appeared at the other side, drawing her hood from her head just as he'd seen in the hologram. They met halfway, mere feet apart, and his heart wrenched to see her really and truly there before him but in such visible twisted despair and rage.

Ben knew one path forward. "Tell me your name."

She shook her head, then extended her hand outward, her fingers steady. "It's time, Ben." She held his gaze, her eyes wild. "The Force gave us this connection for a reason. You're meant to be with me."

He couldn't resist a small smile. "I know." He moved forward, still not taking her hand. "I want to help you."

"Ben," she warned, but didn't withdraw her hand.

He persisted, though he saw the Dark Side flash in her eyes. "Things can be different. I know the Emperor left the galaxy in your hands, but that doesn't mean you have to continue his legacy."

Her hand trembled now. "You really think the Force connected us just so you could tear the Empire down to nothing? So you could destroy my family's work once and for all?"

"I don't want to destroy." He extended his hand halfway, cautious. "I want to build something new. With you."

Her mouth set, and a Jedi's intuition flashed in his mind; "My name is Rey Palpatine," she said, tone forced even, and within the same instant she drew her lightsaber for a slash forward to match his parry.

This was her intention all along, of course, the terrain perfect for fighting him into corners he didn't know on her territory, and he trusted in every moment of his training to stay alive. She was younger than him, but so strong, so powerful, so fast, that it took every bit of his agility to match her. She smashed her lightsaber against him and pressed close; "You're good," Ben breathed. She smirked, and he flashed his saber back against her as she leapt back from the blow.

"I'm going to kill you," she said, breathless, the Dark Side's influence vivid in her wild and frightened eyes. "Then I'm going to find Luke Skywalker and I'm going to kill him, too."

"Rey." He didn't flinch away from that look in her eyes, so like the pained animals he'd caught in traps while pathfinding. "We can go inside. We can talk. We can make sense of all of this."

"Stop," Rey bit off, an Empress's command, and her head twisted, an awful expression bursting across her face. "You – you pretend to be a Jedi, when I know that you dream of power, of control, of crushing people beneath your heel as you're destined to."

He had to stay calm, to ignore the way the Force began to rush between them, the Dark Side crackling along the distance. "No," he said, firm.

"You were always meant to come here and join me." A terrible pain broke through Rey's tone, then, and she looked at him, gaze too open and alone. "You have a choice, Ben, right now, one of us can die, or you can admit the Force brought us together for – " Her voice was thick, now. "For us to do this together."

Ben lowered his lightsaber just enough, clarity pouring through him. "I won't kill you." He held her gaze. "Will you kill me?"

Something ripped through Rey's mind, sharp in her gaze, and she breathed the word "Yes" before rushing him with strike after strike.

He barely attempted to fend her off, didn't strike back, and she grazed him once, then twice. "Fight back," she screamed, desperate, but he didn't respond, just keeping his breaths even as he parried harsh hit after harsh hit without a single offensive move. Through the light of their connected sabers, he could see frustrated tears streaking down her face, and he knew, he knew he was breaking through.

"Rey," he called to her over the crackle of the sabers, "please."

She screamed wordlessly and sliced into his shoulder, just enough to send him to the ground wounded, and she was on top of him within an instant. "Fight back," she bit out again, and he shook his head. This was the tipping point. This was it. This was her first step at the crossroads.

She keened in desperation, then he barely heard it over the sabers' buzz: "Empress!"

Rey jumped to her feet and was at the ready before Ben could even react to the voice he numbly realized he recognized. "Saving me the effort of finding you," she snapped out, a feral, wounded beast, now. "Are all Jedi this foolish?"

Luke wore a barely there smile. "Just the Skywalker line, I promise." He drew his lightsaber. "Ben, you all right?"

"What are you doing here?" Ben demanded, and tried to pull himself from the ground as Rey and Luke began to circle each other. "Stop, stop, both of you – "

"I've got this, Ben," Luke said firmly, gaze tight on Rey. "Get back to my ship."

"No," Ben shouted, fierce. "You have to trust me, you – you know – "

But Rey was on Luke in an instant, locked saber to saber before Ben could even scramble for his own lightsaber again. "Luke!" he shouted, desperate for another flash of clarity that would help him break through to one or both of them. "Luke, you know there's a better way than – "

"Didn't I say get back to my ship?" Luke called back as he leapt back from Rey's strike forward, and her saber cut through dirt; she growled in frustration. "Does it look like I have time for a conversation right now?"

"I'm not going to kill you, Luke Skywalker!" Rey's voice came out in an agonized howl. "I'm going to leave you alive just long enough for you to watch me cut your nephew to pieces, then I'll kill you and every last Jedi I can find!"

"We'll see about that," Luke said, sarcastic yet, and they jumped into harsh battle while Ben stood, frozen, horrified, despite his best efforts to think clearly. His breaths came quickly as he tried to steady his mind, but fear crackled along his mind, just as dangerous and leaving him as wounded as a blade. 

"Listen to me, kid," Luke said steadily to Rey, in the tone Ben had always considered the Master tone. "I know it makes sense right now to do what you're doing, but that's the fear talking. That's the darkest part of you. There's more to you than this and you know it."

"I don't need to hear a monologue," Rey shouted. Luke pinned Rey down, opening his mouth to speak again before she kicked him off, a clear superficial wound across her side, a slash across his face.

At the sight of blood, finally, Ben could breathe, understanding all at once in a surge of calm. _There was one path forward,_ just one. He ignored the pain of his wound and burst between them as they rushed each other, and the blades bit into his side and arm before he fell to the ground in spasms of pain.

He heard Luke scream his name, but Rey was the one at his side first, her lightsaber burning into the dirt as she dropped it; he saw her shoulders begin to shake. "What are you doing?" she demanded, frantic, angry, but his pain was almost too overwhelming for any connection to the Force to contain. "Ben, you can't, you can't do this – "

"Get away from him!" Luke's panic wrencheed Ben's stomach, and he tried to open his mouth to speak, to reassure both or either of them, but his vision swam and no strength he could call upon could bring him back to the surface. He faded, and sank into the darkness.

* * *

Ben woke, and convulsed in pain as he dared to move. Relief rushed over him, at least, upon realizing he'd survived the confrontation, and he let his eyes fall shut just for a moment as he caught a calming breath before opening them again to take in where he lay on a soft bed.

Some six feet away Luke was in soft conversation with Rey, her shoulders folded inward and gaze sharp on the ground. It was such a surreal sight that he attempted to push himself up onto his elbows to break in and confirm it was real, but the effort forced out a groan and he fell back onto the bed. The sound caught their attention, and he dreaded the response before it came, Luke's fond but weary "Hey, kid."

It was too real, too perfectly him, and confirmed that this nightmare had all been real: a wild-eyed Empress he'd been bound to at a level too deep to name, and a Master who would fly across the galaxy just to save his life, trapped in a natural spiral that would leave one of them dead. "Hey, Luke," he voiced, dread breaking through his tone.

"Ben." Rey lifted her gaze to look him in the face, and even across the distance he could see an unsteady patience he'd never observed in her expression. "There are things you need to know."

Ben pushed past that. "What happens now?"

Luke spoke up. "I think that's for her to tell you. Let me know if you need something for the pain, Ben, I'll be outside."

Ben sat up, cringed, and got out "Luke – " too late, with his uncle already out of the room at the first sound. He glanced to Rey, who was watching him with that careful patience, as though the peace in the room would shatter if she let even the slightest dark mood break through. He frowned. "Stop," he said, gentle. "You can do this."

Rey breathed for a moment. "An entire castle," she said. "A birthright. But there's no one else here. When my father died..."

"You've been alone," Ben murmured.

"Years." She exhaled slowly. "Three generations, Ben. I had no choice."

"You always have a choice." He knew that now. "When it comes to right and wrong, you always have a choice."

"It's not so simple," Rey shot back, then turned her face away from him, eyes shut firmly.

"One word from you," Ben said, gaze fixed on her, every piece of strength willed her way, "and everything changes, for everyone out there."

Rey's tone flattened. "I don't think you – "

"The Dark Side says you don't need anyone." He could sense the truth of it, what he needed to say, what he was practically destined to say. "That your fate is written in endless blood until the day you die and pass your name onto the next generation. But you know that's not true. Deep down, I know you feel it."

"And what do I do?" Panic rose in her voice. "You and Luke, you're asking – "

"We're asking for you to do the right thing." Ben felt something wonderful in him swell, sharp but gentle emotion tingling throughout him, a wholly different peace of mind. "But you won't do it alone."

"I'll have you." Rey tried leveling her tone again. "Is that what you're saying? Ben Solo, conflicted Jedi – "

"Rey Palpatine, conflicted Sith." Ben's smile was genuine, now. "We'll make a good pair."

He could see the color in her face, now, then she pushed herself up from the bench and moved to sit on the bed. The proximity made Ben push himself up in spite of the pain, and he kept eye contact as best he could. "Will you?" he asked.

"Promise me." Rey's breaths came even, now, her expression careful.

Ben took her hand gently in his hands, a thumb brushed along her knuckles, and her eyes fell shut. "I'm with you every step of the way."

For just an instant, Rey's mouth turned up, the faintest expression, and he lifted her hand to his mouth to kiss her knuckles. She inclined her head in a nod, then in a single motion moved beside him on the bed. He moved his arms around her, and brushed his cheek against her temple in silence.

Clarity moved between them, the gentle touch of the Light, and he could feel her breathing against him, through him, within him. Her tension broke, and he held her close, a kiss to the top of her head as he drew her into careful meditation.

In every way that mattered, now, they were together.


End file.
